Dear Birth Mother...Please Hit "Reply"

If you have read through this blog, you probably know that I searched and found my biological mother using the ever so popular social networking website MYSPACE. Over the past three and a half years, I have used facebook to track down all of my biological siblings. Most recently, I found the last one...my 19 year old sister Cathy was easily found by simply typing her first and last names into the facebook search engine.

I feel rather blessed that I have been able to reunite with everyone and keep in touch with them by just signing online. Interestingly enough, many adoptees have used these websites to do the same thing. My brother sent me THIS article a few weeks ago. I, of course enjoyed it and decided to post it on my blog for those who may be interested.

I hope everyone has a relaxing and safe labor day weekend.
PEACE!!!!

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, POR FAVOR!!!!

Well, there is a lot to be said about the brave American troops that provide safety to our families each and every single day. I am not sure one can understand the sacrifices they make to fight for our nation. However, I encourage you all to check out THIS website and try.


A local Maryland hero was killed in action in late February, leaving behind his pregnant wife and 2 year old son. His beautiful wife has shown a tremendous amount of courage in the months since her husbands passing and is on a current mission to remember ALL the American troops lost during the wars on terrorism.


The mission is simple. She is holding a 5k race in memory of her fallen husband. En route to the race, she will be displaying American Flags...ONE flag for each member of our services who has died at war. Not only will the 5 THOUSAND flags on display help show just HOW many lives have been lost BUT the proceeds will be donated to help her children and other military families in need. SO, help her on her mission by supporting her cause...PLEASE? Only 5 bucks for each flag. And while I know money is tight for everyone these days, if you just give up ONE drink at the bar or ONE pack of cigarettes, you can help support our troops.


Just remember...while you are sitting at home spending time with your spouse, children, or just with yourself- someone is dying in the line of duty...they were fighting for YOU. Please visit www.bubbasbellyrun.com for more information.

PEACEEEEE.

Philly Demonstration Day!!!

Today is the day that many brave adoptee's, birth mothers and their support systems will be protesting adoptee rights in Philadelphia, PA. I am so proud of all the brave souls that have made the journey to Philly this week!!!


As much as I had hoped to be there, I did not make the trip. I went on our usual family vacation to the beach for 12 days and have had to miss additional work days to attend my doctor appointments for my pregnancy (which is going well- thank God). All my missed days have taken up my paid vacation for the year and considering I will stop working in 5 months, I couldn't afford to miss more work this week and attend. I have been thinking about all those that are there so much...I am there in spirit for sure.


Adoptee rights are VERY important to me. I strongly believe that ALL humans should be granted the same right to their original identity and I find it rather disturbing that adoptees do not have the same rights as those who have remained with their birth families. SO, let's all hope the demonstrators get something accomplished today and during the remainder of the week. GOOD LUCK!!!


PEACE for all...

26 Years and Counting...

Well. Next week I will be celebrating my 26th birthday. I use each year at birthday time to reflect on myself and set goals that I would like to accomplish in the upcoming year of my life. This year, as I zero in on my 26th year of life on this planet- I feel pretty good.

First and foremost- I have stayed away from alcohol for over a year. I officially quit drinking in March of 2008 and have not had ONE sip of alcohol since I declared my desire to fight the alcoholism that was blossoming in my daily life. With that, I also came off of my anti-anxiety medicine that I have been ever so dependent upon for the last 11 years of my life. Emotionally and psychologically, I feel better than I ever have before in my life. NICEEEEE.

I cannot however escape the memories that I have of feeling that I could never birth another child out of fear that there was NO WAY I could stop drinking for a full nine months. Kinda crazy, right? Well I am happy to say that fear no longer poisons my soul. Infact, I am currently carrying a little fetus in my womb and my husband, son and myself will welcome our new addition in January :)

I am not really sure what I have planned for the upcoming year but I have set a few goals for myself. For example, I hope to purchase my first home. I hope to birth a healthy baby in the most natural way I can despite the common trend to only have C-sections after you have already had one. I hope to attend adoptee rights day...despite my overwhelming anxiety of traveling and large crowds which I can no longer "xanax" away. And as always, I hope to be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children.

If I come up with more ideas and goals- I will post them. I also have some pictures to post once I get access to a computer rather than my blackberry. For now, I am desperately trying to beat this nausea and get through the last week and a half of my first trimester. I hope everyone is enjoying summer :)

PEACEEEEEEE...

A Pleasant Surprise...!!!

Well...I have totally sucked at blogging these days...or maybe I should say these MONTHS. Ever since I hit that rocky road, I somewhat distanced myself from my reunion with my birth family. I tried to explain the way I was feeling to my family and they couldn't have been LESS understanding which completely turned me off. So I've been chilling and enjoying some exciting things going on in my personal life. I will save those for another day though.

My biological family rarely makes any effort to contact me. For the past 3 and a half years, I am almost always the one to contact them. I can probably count the amount of times they have called me using both hands. Which brings me to my surprise!!! My mother and her husband called me at work a few days ago!!! I loved that!!! When I answered the phone, I heard a long "Rachelllllllll"...and I got SO excited! It was the best day ever!

But even better than the phone call itself is my mothers LAUGH. I LOVE it when she laughs. She has this pretty, genuine, deep laugh that will make almost anyone smile. Its one of my favorite things about her :) When she told me that her Cat was pregnant AGAIN...I responded by saying that the kitty was "CALIENTE"!!! A word in my country that means sexually frisky or hot. I learned that the hard way when I was in Chile and tried to use the word to describe the extreme heat beating on my body. I immediately got dirty looks and chuckles from my family who then proceeded to tell me to NEVER use that word unless I was calling myself a slut or whore. OOPS!!! Anyways, when I called the family cat "caliente" my dear mother broke out in a ROARING laugh...and I LOVED every second of it.

That was my pleasant surprise that has pretty much washed the sour taste out of my mouth that I had developed about my familia. Happy days to come?!? Let's hope so!!!

Hope everyone is well in this blogging world...I plan to be posting a little more regularly :) Until next time, Peace Out my amigos!!!

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!!!!

So, I've been wanting to blog about this for a while and I am finally getting around to it. There is an adoptee rights demonstration being held in Philadelphia, PA on July 21st of this year. I will be attending with some of my family and joining my friends who have introduced me to the event...(Hi JIM!!! THANK YOU Jim!!!)

For anyone who does not know, adopteed people do not have rights to their original birth certificates, often making our enterance to this world somewhat questionable. I should mention that FEW states DO allow adoptees to have a copy but still, just because you're adopted doesn't mean you should not have the REAL thing. While this may not seem like a big deal to some, I highly DOUBT you would dispose of YOUR childs birth certificate. If birth certificates weren't important, people wouldn't hold on to them.

SOOOO, a group of adopted people and their loved ones will be getting together to protest the laws that prevent adoptees from having access to their identity. While a change in law would not help me obtain my birth certificate (the international adoption system is FAR more jacked up) I am excited about participating so that my friends and fellow American people may one day have access to theirs.

I will be talking more about the demonstration and why it is important to me over the next few months. In the mean while, if you would like more information please click HERE and check it out.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.
PEACEEEEEE.

Gaby takes on NYC...

Remember a few months ago when I posted an entry about my girl Gabriella who helped make my adoption reunion possible? WELL, Gaby is coming to the US!!! She is taking on NYC and I will have the pleasure of meeting her there in early May...she's the beauty pictured above :)

I am leaving for Brooklyn in a couple weeks for my brothers NYU Graduation (YEAAAAHHH AARON!!!). I am so proud of him and so glad that I will get to finally meet Gaby in person during my trip to celebrate my bro.

It's ROASTING HOT here in D.C. this weekend. Excuse me while I step outside for the next couple days to soak up the sun...and maybe shed a few pounds that I have put on this winter?!?!

PEACEEEEEEEEEE.

White Mothers, Black Sons...

I am always on NPR fishing around for interesting casts. I am especially interested in listening to things regarding biracial families and transracial adoptions. Obviously I am interested in this stuff for a few reasons. #1- Because I was adopted transracially into a white family, making me a transracial adoptee and #2- Because I married an Ethiopian man, making my precious little family biracial.

I came across a cast the other day that is originally from May 15, 2007. It had a great quote in it from Audrey Lord that says "Difference is the dialectic that sparks the imagination." I loved that. While I used to feel embarassed of being "different", I have grown to appreciate my differences for they make me unique and they have made me who I am.

Care to listen? GO AHEAD...check it outttt...!!!

Isn't NPR radio GREAT?!?!

PEACE!!!

CHILE...I ADORE YOU!!!!

I absolutely adore my country!!! As a child, I would brag about being from Chile because I just loved the country so much (despite the fact I knew NOTHING about it). As I have grown older, my love for my country has grown fonder. I think every part about it is incredibly beautiful. The people...the places...the land...the PLANTS!!! Today is EARTH DAY!!! And because I think Chile is the most beautiful place on Earth, I have decided to post this simple picture of my countrys national flower. It is called the Copihue :) Isn't it beautiful?!?! Did I mention I am adding this beauty to my massive ever-expanding tattoo on my back?!?! I will post pictures when it is complete. LOVE THE EARTH. LOVE THIS FLOWER. LOVE IT ALL.

Happy Earth Day to all!!!
Peaceeeee.

DRAMA in Adoption Reunions...

Ahhh...I haven't been blogging these past few weeks because I've hit a rough patch in my reunion. But I figured I may as well share it.

My biological mother is a rather selfish woman. Since finding her over three years ago- she has constantly informed me she does not want me talking to ANY of my siblings, cousins or Aunts and Uncles. She always tells me that I "belong to HER and NOBODY else." While I've tried to explain to her that I have the right to know all of my family, she doesn't seem to care.

To make a long story short- she is VERY displeased that I found my brother on facebook. She's been having her friends write me nasty emails and she called my cousin to curse him out last night- telling him to "pass the message to Rachel." Why THANKS, Mom!!!

Life has speed bumps and road blocks and I seem to have hit the first major one in my adoption reunion. I hope it smoothes out sooner rather than later!

Peace.

4 outta 5 !!!

WHOA! It's been a little while since I last updated this thing. I've been thinking I need to work on it but I am rather...well...lazy. If only you all could see my "draft" section of this blog- a whole bunch of unfinished work. Typical Rachel style. I will get to it one day.


In the mean while, I can inform you all of some very exciting news...I found my one and only biological brother! Poor guy is sandwiched in age by his four sisters BUT he doesn't seem to mind.


When I went to Chile, I reunited with two of my sisters...the three of us are pictured above. It was one of those bittersweet feelings because I knew that there were still two of us missing...it didnt feel complete. It made me sad because I wanted so bad to meet my brother and other sister however, my mom has been estranged from them for their whole lives and she said she had no way of contacting them. In all reality, for whatever the reason, she doesn't WANT to contact them...they are easily accessable via facebook (gotta love the internet networking).


SOOO, after attempting various spellings of his surname, I hit the jackpot and located by bro! I've been so excited because 4 out of the 5 Sarria children are in contact now. SUCCESS! My brother is also in contact with the one sister that I have never met so chances are, I will know her shortly :)


The only odd thing is that I have been having these weirdo dreams where I picture all 5 of us standing arm in arm for a picture by the Ocean. When I awake, I find myself in my bedroom tens of thousands of miles away and cry uncontrollably :( It BLOWS!


Well regardless...4 outta 5 isn't bad and while being the ONLY sibling in America kinda stinks, I know that even the thinnest of connections is better than being alone.

Yall have a GOOD one.
PEACE.

LOVE...LIFE...FORGIVENESS...

Ahhhh...I got the most refreshing email today from one of my girlfriends. It made me smile, it made me feel so happy to have her in my life and it made me feel proud of myself.

3 years ago I began the hunt for my biological mother. I found her fairly quickly with the help of a stranger...that same stranger has remained in my life and it is her email that brought me to (happy) tears this morning.

I found Gaby on MySpace...a social networking internet site that I had joined in hopes of finding my biological sister in Chile (its pretty popular amongst people my age and my sister is 2 years older than myself). Although entering my sisters name turned no results, I saw that the Chilean people were all over MySpace! When I came across Gaby, who was listed as a female, "in a relationship", and her occupation was a translator...I knew I hit the jackpot! Her smile was beautiful- her hair was long and beautiful- she appeared harmless and I took my shot.

My email to Gaby was short. I told her I was an adoptee in search of my biological mother and sister. I explained that I had their names but that I needed help getting phone numbers and addresses of people in Chile who matched their identity. I explained my Spanish was limited to "conversational" and from the bottom of my heart- I asked for her help.

She responded a few weeks later...apologizing for the delay in her response and saying that she would help me with whatever I needed. Apologize?!? Are you kidding?! I was just thankful she REPLIED...but her unnecessary apology and willingness to help me showed me the pureness of her heart. I responded with great gratitude and with the names of my mother and sister. She sent me 3 telephone numbers and an address two days later. Gaby had proven my instinct to be correct...she was a gift from God.

Because my moms contact numbers were all disconnected- I had to hire and pay an intermediate to go to assist me further BUT Gaby stayed by my side. She translated multiple letters from English to Spanish for me to give to the intermediate when she went knocking on my moms door. She sat on conference calls with me for hours to translate my mothers and my first few conversations- back and forth. From my english to her spanish and vice-versa.

Gaby never asked me for a penny...she graciously accepted all my thank you's and told me it was "no problem", that I could call her whenever I needed anything. We email eachother each month...we talk on occaision...we post messages to eachother on our MySpace and Facebook pages. She's an incredible woman...an incredible friend...I tell her all the time that she is indeed, an incredible human being.

My email from her came as a surprise this morning. It was an email with "thank you" in the subject. Thanking ME?! Thanking me for WHAT?!...I thought and I opened the email as I continued to read. Gaby was thanking me for the lessons I had taught her about life, love and forgiveness. Lessons I sure did NOT know she learned through me.

I had never talked to her about any of these things, she's older and seemingly wiser than me. I couldn't figure it out. As I read through the email tears streamed down my face...I hit the last line, I began to cry..."being a part of your experience has taught me some of the most valuable lessons on life, love and forgiveness- thank you for allowing me to be a part of this."

I've been thinking about it all morning. I didn't really teach Gaby anything but I did realize something. I realized that as we walked together through my adoption reunion...we learned together. Together we watched lives changing, we watched two cultures emerging, we witnessed and were a part of the power of love, and we have both witnessed the delivery and acceptance of one of the most INSANE kinds of an apology in the world..."I am sorry for giving you up- I am sorry I didn't look for you", my mother cried.
..."its okay Mama, I found you and we won't be apart again."

TO LOVE...LIFE...AND FORGIVENESS...may you all encounter moments of clarity when dealing with the three :)
PEACEEEEE.

Stir it up...

Reuniting with my biological family has taken more out of me then I ever could have imagined. Seriously, it's so wack. I've spent countless hours crying about the losses that I never allowed myself to mourn...I've spent raging nights, screaming at the sky and digging my fingernails in to my scalp as I allowed my anger about being adopted to finally soak throughout my soul.

To say I've sorted through some emotions over the last 4 or 5 weeks doesn't do justice to what I've been going through. I've sorted through some SHIT. I literally feel like I've traveled to heaven...to hell...to the freakin' twilight zone...and back.

...well, wait- I'm not "back" yet...lets just say, I am on the "mend"..."a project in repair." Repairing always seems to require discussion and discussion with depth- you know, the kind with real substance? The kind that people love to run from? "Just move on"..."get over it"...

NO! I won't! I will HEAL my soul and drain the rage it has soaked up. I will nurse my wounds until they HEAL. "Bandaids" don't do it for me.

Moving on IS important but the whole "just drop it"/ ignore it thing is for bitches. So, here I am...fighting my way through my biggest fears...fighting my way through the most painful therapy sessions I've ever experienced in my life...fighting my way through life to find MYSELF.

...I AM BATTLING MY ADOPTEDNESS and with lots of hard work, I BELIEVE that I will conquer all the insecurities and difficulties that being adopted has brought to my life.

That's all for now...I got a family to feed.
PEACE.

The Man In The Glass...

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day...
Just go to a mirror and look at YOURSELF,
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife,
Whose judgment upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in YOUR life...
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get "pats on the back" as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears...
...if you have cheated the man in the glass.

This poem was written by an adoptee who later went on to take his own life :(

I love this poem and I read it often. It always reminds me to stay true to myself-- no matter WHAT peoples opinions may be. This is MY life and I smile when I see my reflection in the mirror :)

So...What does YOUR mirror have to say about YOU??? Do you appreciate your strengths and weaknesses???...Or are you still caught up in cheating yourself while attempting to fool the world???

BEEEE yourself.
Peace!!!!!!

P.S. If you like the image I chose for this post please click and visit the photographers site HERE.

"SOUL- LOW..."

"Every day we ride the elevator...no matter where it takes ya, up or down...DON'T LET IT GET YA DOWN..."

I am feeling so low. SOLO. SOUL = LOW. Anyway ya wanna put it...it's how I am feeling these days. I think I MAY post Nikka Costa songs and videos all week long. It's quite possible. When my lonely soul is feeling down, HER lyrics and music NEVER fail to keep my spirit FLYING HIGH.

FLY HIGH SPIRIT...FLYYYYYY HIGH.
PEACE OUT.

P.S. If you ever decide you like what you're listen to, GO HERE and download her music :)

When PIGS Fly...

I am sure you all have heard the phrase..."when pigs can fly." People always want to doubt what we believe in our dreams.

You gotta DREAM it and BELIEVE it--- in order for it to come true...and please know that nobody will believe in YOUR dreams if YOU don't believe in YOU!!!!!!!

I collect Piggies...I have been collecting them for years. I think I started when I was young because I had learned about Chinese New Year and loved that I was born in the year of the BOAR. My best friends mother collected pigs too...when she died in a tragic car accident, I took over her some of her collection, making my HOG collecting even more important to me.

I own a sick amount of pig collectables. They surround my whole house AND are a big part of my life. I JUST received a new pig as a gift for my entire family! THIS woman makes flying pigs to remind people to "live your dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem." She created a Presidental Pig to mark Obama's inauguration and my mom got us one. NICE.

I am LOVING the local pig maker.

GO and get YOUR pig today.

PEACE.

EVERY DAY MATTERS...

Some days I sit here at my work desk and wonder what I am going to do with my life. I do not know and I do not mind not knowing.

Some days I think that I've become so used to the "unknown" that planned activities or planned situations seem rather strange to me.

Some days I just get thrown off track and I don't know WHAT to even THINK...let alone know what to DO. I always enjoy finding my way back to my track and with every unknown adventure, I become more comfortable with myself :)

While SOME days are always going to be harder than others- I can assure you all that EVERY day always matters ;)

Yall have a GOOD one.
Make EVERY DAY MATTER.
Peaceeeee!

"I NEED MORE LOVEEEE..."

I am almost 3 years into my reunion. February marks the beginning of round THREE. The month always seems to bring the same questions...Do the days ever get easier? Do my questions ever get answered? Will I ever find the missing piece? Will I ever be content without it? I have SO much to say these days but I don't have the energy to express it.

So, until I do- I shall express AWESOMENESS with two AWESOME songs.






I NEED MORE LOVE.
GIMME SHELTER.
Rock Out. Rock On.
PEACE.

Appreciating DC...

At this time tomorrow, Barack Obama will be our President. I often forget to be thankful that I live in such an incredible area. It's a cool time to be in DC...

Peaceeeee.

We ALL look up at the SAME sky...

As a little girl I found so much comfort in the fact that SOMEWHERE in the world my biological family was looking up at the same sky as me. LOVED THAT.

I spent nights crying and reaching for the stars...I actually still do. I spent nights sitting by my window- singing (not very well, may I add) the songs from Annie and other lonely childrens movies.

I've shared this story with my biological mother many times over the past three years but when I was in Chile, I felt the need to share it with everyone. I let them ALL know I thought of them every single time I looked up...AND THEN...they emailed me THIS picture...

No matter where you are in the world...all ya gotta do is look up. No matter the miles that seperate us, we all look up to the same sky :)

LOVE IT. Don't you?!?! Who couldn't?!

Peace.

BLOG ON, bloggers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHECK IT...my brotha's girlfriend sent me this article. The Vietnamese government is trying to put a hault to truth telling bloggers in order to protect their reputation. Well, they are putting restrictions on bloggers...telling them what they can and cannot discuss.

Can't say I know much about the topic but I think bloggers all around the world should BLOG ON!!!

What's the purpose in writing when someone else is telling you how to tell YOUR story?!?!

Ahhhhh, have I mentioned...VIVE COMO QUIERES?!?!?!

VIVE COMO QUIERES...

"LIVE HOW YOU WANT."

I prefer to be TRUE to myself, even at the expense of incurring the ridicule of others...VIVE COMO QUIERES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace.

Looking Over 2008...

Sitting at the top of Santa Lucia in Chile...sitting at the top of a volcano and overlooking THIS beauty....found myself reflecting on the year and all the days that had passed in 2008.

2008 was a year of CHANGE...changes that brought smiles and changes that brought tears. But I know change does not come without fire- when the smoke settles, you realize, you are right where you are supposed to be.

From changed relationships, to changes in habits (365 days without drinking...and still counting)....I think the smiles will always be remembered and I think the tears were for all the right reasons.

Could I be in love with the way 2008 turned out?!?!?

GIVE Something Greater...?!?!?!

I have always viewed MOST American People as selfish and greedy. They want more and more for themselves, often owning 4 or 5 vehicles with only two eligible drivers in the home. They talk about nothing but their possessions...how they have "everything" and don't "need anything from anyone." Well, if you and your family indeed have EVERYTHING--- give something to someone who does not.


For only $250.00 you can pay for ALL the expenses to repair a childs cleft lip or pallet. Samson, Dominick and I have been devoted supporters of Smile Train...an organization that helps give "life" a whole new meaning to children who have NOTHING. Not even a smile :(

For the first year, I changed our rules. Typically, Dominick gets ONE present for Hanukah, ONE present for his birthday and ONE present for Christmas...Samson and I do not spend a penny on one another and we donate money to repair cleft pallets instead of going over board on gifts for our son and family members.


But this year was different. Over the past 3 years that I have been speaking to my biological mom in Chile, we have talked about EVERYTHING. From her problematic family to her self- distructive lifestyle. I've never seen her smile and often asked why. She explained she had no teeth on the top of her mouth and that the bottom ones were in bad shape.


SOOOOO, while in Chile- I took my mom to multiple dentists. A radiograph clinic to get a full mouth series of X-RAYS for her...the periodontist to treat her severe gum disease...the dentist to extract her rotten teeth...and a dental lab to build her some prostetics/dentures.


Dominick still received his 3 gifts, one for each respected holiday/occaision. But this year, he got a lecture on how our extra money will help Abuelita smile again. Samson and I paid for all her dental work while we were in Chile. Her new SMILE should be complete within a year :) My mom and I are pictured below in the dentist office.











To new SMILES...and the beauty of giving BACK. Along with a promise that we didnt forget all the little children from Smile Train. We promise to give smiles to you kids too!!!

PEACE.

To New Beginings...

Since I do not drink alcohol, I am toasting some FANTA to 2009.

To new relationships, new ideas, new peace, new comfort, new friends...to a good and much brighter NEW YEAR for all.

Happy New Year! Feliz ano nuevo!