Reuniting with my biological family has taken more out of me then I ever could have imagined. Seriously, it's so wack. I've spent countless hours crying about the losses that I never allowed myself to mourn...I've spent raging nights, screaming at the sky and digging my fingernails in to my scalp as I allowed my anger about being adopted to finally soak throughout my soul.
To say I've sorted through some emotions over the last 4 or 5 weeks doesn't do justice to what I've been going through. I've sorted through some SHIT. I literally feel like I've traveled to heaven...to hell...to the freakin' twilight zone...and back.
...well, wait- I'm not "back" yet...lets just say, I am on the "mend"..."a project in repair." Repairing always seems to require discussion and discussion with depth- you know, the kind with real substance? The kind that people love to run from? "Just move on"..."get over it"...
NO! I won't! I will HEAL my soul and drain the rage it has soaked up. I will nurse my wounds until they HEAL. "Bandaids" don't do it for me.
Moving on IS important but the whole "just drop it"/ ignore it thing is for bitches. So, here I am...fighting my way through my biggest fears...fighting my way through the most painful therapy sessions I've ever experienced in my life...fighting my way through life to find MYSELF.
...I AM BATTLING MY ADOPTEDNESS and with lots of hard work, I BELIEVE that I will conquer all the insecurities and difficulties that being adopted has brought to my life.
That's all for now...I got a family to feed.
PEACE.
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